Are you a mom who sometimes feels like you're a referee battling a whirlwind of conflicts on a daily basis?
One minute, your little angel is smiling oh-so-sweetly, and the next, they're throwing a toy aimed right at your head, or in the throes of a full-out tantrums. One minute your heart swells as you watch your kids’ getting along so lovingly and the next you feel like you're at the WWF - refereeing over something seemingly insignificant. One minute you are enjoying a heart-to-heart conversation and the next you're being told you're the worst mom in the world...
Imagine you can turn your life into a world with minimized conflicts, where tantrums are tamed, chaos is conquered, and peace and harmony reign supreme!
Sound impossible? It’s not. I know this because I've not only raised 4 kids (3 of them boys) to adulthood and was a classroom teacher for decades, but I am living it again as caretaker for my 2 grandchildren.
As, I said, minimizing conflicts is not impossible…But it does takes effort and consistency…
Here are five tips that can help:
Tip number one:
“A parent without a sense of humor is like an accountant who is terrible at math.”
Embrace the power of laughter. Laughter can be a superpower in motherhood. Sometimes, a situation can be diffused with a funny remark. When things get tough, when the poop hits the fan, when their words feel like a slap in the face or a punch to the gut, a well-timed joke can diffuse the situation. If not appropriate, instead of losing your cool, try seeing the humor in the situation. Sometimes, YOU have to dig deep…Some of the stories my family retells and laughs about now did not seem that funny in the moment. My kids love playing “remember when”…it’s usually about a time when my reaction to some thing one of them did was over the top or one of them did something outrageous.
Tip number two:
Is this worth it?
Choose your battles wisely. Let's face it, not every disagreement with your child needs to turn into World War III. If your toddler insists on wearing mismatched socks to the park or your teen wants to go “grunge” or dye their hair pink -think to yourself…does this really matter in the grand scheme of things? Sometimes, letting go of the small stuff can bring a whole lot of peace into your life.
Tip number three:
Create a “me zone” - . - NO- create 2 “me” zones -one for you; one for them… This is a sanctuary where you can escape the chaos and recharge your batteries. It could be a cozy corner in your home, the shower, or even just a few minutes in your bed with a good book, and/or music, and/or a cup or glass of your beverage of choice. Whatever it is, make sure you carve out that space for yourself. Remember, happy mama equals happy kiddos! Do the same for them…create a space that they can go to to decompress. It doesn’t have to be elaborate -A certain chair, a tent or floor pillow in the corner of a room; preferably technology free. In our house we have my grandson’s “milky spot” - a big floor pillow in a nook next to his bookcase. He takes his bottle and “blankie” and lies on it when he’s tired, or needs to calm down or unwind. Sometimes it's my suggestion; sometimes it's on his own.
Tip number four:
What’d You Say?
Communicate, communicate, communicate. Miscommunication can lead to conflicts. So, take the time to really listen to your child and understand their needs. What is being said behind the words and/or attitudes. There is power in open, honest conversations. Whether with wee ones, toddlers, tweens, or teens, explaining why certain things are important can go a long way in minimizing conflicts. BUT Keep the explanations short and sweet. …
I have a theory that after about a dozen words - your "conversations" begin to sound more like lectures and kids stop listening (think Charlie Brown cartoons when the adults speak - all KIDS hear is “wha-wha-wha”).
And last but not least, tip number five:
Be Perfectly Imperfect
Give yourself some grace. Yes, you will mess up along the way. Life is messy, and you are only human. (To err is human?) Let's be real, none of us have it all figured out. So, when you do make mistakes, learn from them, and move forward. Instead of focusing on the missteps, celebrate the victories, no matter how small.
Here's the thing, “Peaceful” is not about eliminating all conflicts; it’s not about perfection. it's about learning to navigate your way through the chaos that we call life, giving yourself and your kids some grace, and letting the good times define your life and relationships.
If you would like support identifying and changing the patterns of behavior that are not serving you and yours, I would be more than happy to be that support. Schedule a BREAKTHROUGH SESSION today. We'll look at your goals, the challenges you're facing, opportunities you might be missing. We'll also uncover hidden problems that may be sabotaging your desired results. You'll leave the session feeling renewed, re-energized, and inspired to get results faster and easier than you thought possible. And you'll have a plan of action to do just that.